What if the man she buried is back? What if he's the one standing across the street, the one in the corner of her local pub, or even the one knocking at her door? There wasn't a day that went by where Joanie didn't have this thought cross her mind. Take today, the man across the road had caught Joanie's eye. They were always the same type. Tall, broad, distinguished features and neatly cut greying hair. She'd done this long enough that she now just waited patiently for them to come into focus. Slowly, she realised they weren't as tall as she'd first thought. Although broad, their features may be less distinguished and more pointy or round. One time, the neatly cut greying hair turned out to be ginger curls poking out from under a baseball cap. She knew the brain was wired to detect danger and her brain was more than most. But it had been 30 seconds or so now and the man was still tall, still broad, she could still see the greying hair and she wondered, heart pounding, what the hell he was doing in the outskirts of south wales.


Joanie couldn't move, it was like she'd become paralysed. The risk of him turning, even slightly, and spotting her made this feeling even worse. This wasn't fight, or flight, it was freeze. She started to panic, her heart beating faster and faster, her breath becoming shallow and quick. All of a sudden, she was pushed. She jerked forwards. The woman turned back to her. "Sorry" she smiled, holding up a hand. Although usually annoyed by people with no spatial awareness, Joanie was grateful for this literal push to take some action. She looked back to where she'd seen him, just in time to see him step into Mrs Selby's Tea Rooms.


Thinking positive, Joanie felt better that she knew where he was, but when the negative voice creeped in, it reminded her that Mrs Selby loved to chat.


One day, Joanie had noticed a young mum struggling with her buggy. The baby was fussing and upset that he'd dropped his toy on the floor. Joanie had picked up the toy and handed it to the grateful mum.


"How kind", Mrs Selby had observed. Joanie had smiled and ordered her coffee.


"Could use all the help she can get that one". Mrs Selby left the comment hanging in the air like a cliffhanger.


Joanie had politely smiled again.


"Her fella ended up in prison". Mrs Selby mouthed the word 'prison' like it was a swear word.


Joanie had looked concerned, as she thought she should, and held out her card as a subtle hint that she'd like to pay now.


"Yeah, something to do with drugs" Mrs Selby continued, like she was answering a question Joanie hadn't remembered asking.


This worried Joanie. Even if he was to only ask about her in passing, Mrs Selby would give up everything she knew about Joanie. Although this wasn't a lot, it did, unfortunately, include her address.


Joanie suddenly remembered she needed to be somewhere. Luckily this was only the Raven Arms, just down the road, everything was so close here, something she'd previously liked about the village. Trying to think more positively, Joanie thought about the lay out of the pub. If she was to sit at one particular table, in the back right-hand chair, she'd have just enough of a view of the tea rooms. Plan in place, Joanie walked at a slightly faster pace, but not fast enough to draw attention to herself. She took short, sharp looks in front of her so she didn't cause an accident, but with most her attention remaining on the tea rooms.


As soon as she got inside, Joanies eyes darted to the table, she felt the relief as she saw it was empty. She sat down and made herself comfortable. Julie, the owner, wouldn't mind if she didn't buy a drink immediately. Joanie had become quite the regular, often meeting clients here for meetings. She craned her neck to get a good view of the tea rooms, just as he left. She held her breath while he looked up and down the street and prayed that he wouldn't see here as his next stop.


She thought about leaving, surveyed the different ways she could get out unnoticed, but her brain wasn't thinking as fast as it usually did, this is what he did to her. She decided the toilets would be her best bet but as she stood up, he walked through the door and into the bar. The unusually quiet lunch hour she'd hoped for initially had secured her table, but it might cost her life.


He hadn't noticed her, she realised, breathing a sigh of relief, as she held the menu up to her face in the hope of looking like a hungry customer and not like someone hoping not to be seen. She saw him showing Julie a photo. She wasn't too worried, she'd dyed and cut her hair since then, changed her style, and she knew Julie well enough to know she wouldn't just spill the tea as readily and ironically as Mrs Selby would.


She watched Julie shake her head and take his card. She saw him nod and reluctantly leave. When a long enough time had passed, Joanie allowed herself to relax, but she decided she would cancel her client. She couldn't stay around her today, not until she had a plan. She stood by the window, looked up and down the street and prepared to move. Joanie walked over to the bar a pre-prepared speech ready to go.


"I don't need to know anything" Julie protested, hands up in defence.


Joanie smiled, a grateful smile. "Thank you Julie".


"No problem" she replied, "Stay safe Tina".