Igor was twenty-four years old and a bit odd. He still lived at home with his mother and worked as a librarian in a local secondary school. He had lived in Crawley his whole life, and rarely ventured outside of the town, why would he, Crawley had everything he needed. There was a bowling alley, a cinema, a leisure centre, restaurants, schools, a college, a hospital, and a few football teams. Crawley was one of the nine new towns built after World War II, it had fourteen separate neighbourhoods and was still growing, Igor lived in Tilgate. 

 

Igor thought Tilgate was an amazing place, it had a large row of shops and had a huge park, which had a massive lake, a golf course, woods and a Smith and Western. Igor didn’t have too many friends, but there was Steve and Dunc who stayed in contact with him after they had left school. No one else did, but Steve and Dunc were kind and probably felt a bit sorry for the shy reclusive singleton. Steve was a surveyor, and Dunc was a trainee sommelier in a posh restaurant in town.

Igor’s father had passed away after a battle with cancer and his mother, June, was a dinner lady at the local primary school. She was an old-fashioned woman who enjoyed looking after her only child. June was always worried about Igor’s future and was as happy as a pig in poo when he got a job.

 

Steve had been with Kim since they were in Year 10 at school. They’d fallen in love, whilst in the English class when they were forced to sit next to each other. Kim was easygoing and looked out for Igor, she found him fun but in a silly way. Their school was fairly modern, but the students didn’t treat it well, there was often food and drinks thrown to the floor creating a mess, but it was dinner for the seagulls. The underpaid teachers tried their best and some of them were excellent, but many were beaten down by the aggressive attitude of some of the pupils. Igor loved it there; it was like his second home.

 

Igor had left school at eighteen after doing an NVQ, but he never really left, within three months he was back at the school, but this time he was on the payroll. He loved the library; he would spend hours every day reorganising the books after the ungrateful pupils had demolished his efficient work. He enjoyed the smell of the books and the silence. When it was quiet he was able to read his favourite classics. He loved Charles Dickens and Shakespeare but often enjoyed short stories written by witty, handsome, intelligent new authors from Sussex.

 There was also a cute girl who worked in the photocopier room next door to the library. Her name was Sonia; she was sweet but painfully shy like a squirrel. Igor wanted to ask her out, but his self esteem was so low that he didn’t have the confidence or courage to do it, however he admired her understated beauty from a distance.

 

Steve had big news, he told Igor and Dunc that Kim was pregnant. The boys couldn’t believe it, that was proper grownup news. Igor had never had a relationship, so couldn’t imagine ever being a father. Dunc had a girlfriend called Sofia, but they weren’t even living together. Sofia was Bulgarian and they had met online. Steve was always the first out of the three to do things, he was the first to drive, work and move into his own house. He was more driven and ambitious than Dunc and Igor.

 

Time flew by and before they knew it, Kim had given birth to a beautiful daughter, and they called her Carly. Steve and Kim were over the moon, he matured overnight. Steve had an afternoon party for close family and friends to introduce Carly to everyone. However, Steve’s friends were invited a few weeks later in a low-key affair. Kim was great with Carly, and they were talking about having the Christening within the next year. 

 

Dunc asked a few questions about the Christening and then asked Steve whether it had been decided who was going to be the Godparents. Steve said they hadn’t decided yet. Igor’s ear’s pricked up like a fox and at that point he decided he wanted to be the Godfather, but not just any Godfather, he was going to be the best god damn Godfather ever! He never thought he was ever going to be a father, so this was the next best thing. 

 

Igor knew he had to show Steve and Kim that he would be a good choice, and he wanted to display how responsible he can be. He wracked his brain and with his impulsiveness he bought himself a cuddly kitten. Igor called the cat, Shadow. He loved that kitten, he bought all the accessories, litter tray, toys and food bowls. He took lots of pictures and made sure Steve knew how great he was. 

 

However, it wasn’t having the impact Igor wanted, Steve wasn’t impressed enough, so went out to the pet shop and bought a cute chinchilla. Steve loved the kitten and the chinchilla but needed more convincing, so Igor bought a Macaw parrot. Igor’s poor mother was now inundated with animals running, climbing, and flying around her house. All three were like lightning, chasing each other, fighting, and playing. Squawk, squawk, squawking, from the parrot, a crybaby of a chinchilla and a kitten that would make a squeaky noise when he was hungry. Igor was nicknamed Dr Doolittle by his mother. 

 

Steve noticed the efforts Igor was putting in and told his patient wife, that they should consider making Igor a Godfather, Kim was not convinced. Igor upped his game; he bought Carly some lovely new designer clothes and a bag full of toys. Kim appreciated his efforts but told him not to waste his money as babies grow so quickly, and the clothes wouldn’t fit Carly for long. 

 

As the Christening got closer, Steve and Kim had to decide between Igor and Richard to be one of the Godfathers. Richard was a university friend of Steve and Igor hated him. He thought Richard looked down on him and used to call him “The Hunchback.” 

 

In the end, one week before the Christening, Igor was amazed when he was offered the role. They didn’t think Richard cared whether he was godfather or not, so Igor’s persistent had paid off. Igor was over the moon, he bought a new suit, wrote a speech and smoked a cigar. It seemed obvious that Igor wasn’t completely sure what the duties of a godfather were. 

 

The day eventually came, and Igor renounced the Devil, and he was officially Carly’s godfather. He got some funny looks after the christening when he clinked a spoon onto his wine glass to announce his speech whilst at the small party. He kept it clean but relived some escapades he and Steve had at school. The audience was surprised as was Kim, who was extremely confused and gave Steve a little kick to his shin. Igor then went to the bar and bought a round of shots for everyone.

 

Once the big day was over, the next big event was Carly’s first birthday which was a few months away. Igor had plans, he wanted to make sure Carly had a day to remember, which was unlikely as a one-year-old. 

Kim had organised a low-key family gathering in the afternoon for Carly’s birthday, but Igor begged them to pop over to his house in the morning as he had a surprise. 

 

Kim and Steve reluctantly agreed and pulled up at 11am, just for a quick visit and a cup of tea. Igor’s mother opened the door and with an embarrassed look on her face and showed them to the back garden. When they stepped out, they couldn’t believe their eyes. Igor had organised through a children’s farm to have an animal party. There were sheep, goats, and a donkey, it was bizarre. One-year-old Carly had no idea what was happening, but Igor’s enthusiasm was infectious. Steve thanked him for his efforts but did suggest it was a little over the top. 

 

As the years went by, the presents became more elaborate, an electric car, holiday to Centre Parcs and ringside tickets to WWE at the O2. Igor’s outgoings were not huge, but neither were his wages, he soon got into dept. 

 

By the time it was Carly’s eleventh birthday, Igor drove past their house and threw a holdall full of cash onto their front lawn. He was quickly followed by a black BMW who began shooting at Igor’s car. Igor span away from the scene and lost the BMW. Steve heard the commotion and peered out of his front window; all he could see was a bag on his garden. He retrieved it and the holdall was stuffed full of £20 notes. Steve took it inside and suddenly got a text message saying,

“Hi Steve, I hope you got the bag, it’s a gift for Carly, love Igor.”

 

Steve counted the money which took forever, in total there was £28,460, he couldn’t believe it. He called Igor and told him to come over and explain himself. Igor said he’d pop over in the evening. 

 

Igor waited until the coast was clear and attended Steve’s house. Steve pushed Igor into the garage, and shouted,

“Where on earth has this money come from? This is ridiculous. You’re a librarian in a school, how have you got £28k?”

Igor was stunned and had to think on his feet, “Take it easy Steve, I had a good win on the horses. It’s nothing to worry about.”

Steve replied, “Then why did you throw it onto the front garden? That’s just weird.”

Igor said, “Sorry about that, yes it was odd, but I was late for a dentist appointment, and I wanted you to have it before I spent any of it.”

Steve was confused, he didn’t hear the gun shots from the BMW, and didn’t want to turn down £28k. To him, the money was going to be a great start for Carly when she became an adult. Steve looked at Igor and said, 

“Igor, thank you for the money, but you’ve got to stop with all these gifts. We really appreciate it but it’s too much. 

I’m putting a ban on you giving Carly any more presents. From now on you must stop. Of course you can see Carly, but enough is enough.”

 

Igor shook his hand and drove back home. Later on that month, Richard, whom Igor disliked, called him out of the blue and said, 

“Hi Igor, I hope you’re well. I have good news, I’m now a dad and in a few months, we are having a Christening. Will you be the godfather?”

Igor replied, “Wow, that’s a surprise. Thanks Richard. I promise I’ll be a great godfather. No more elaborate presents and no more holdall’s full of money. I’ve realised it was a little over the top.”

Richard responded, “Well, that’s sort of the reason. It’s more of a financial decision.”

Igor apologised and had to turn the offer down. He explained that he went too far and became obsessed with being the best godfather. If he had another godchild, he’d be concerned about getting himself into trouble, he had escaped one extraordinary situation and didn’t want to go back into that world again.

 

Around two months later, Igor had finished work and went home. As he opened the door, he realised something was wrong. He walked into the kitchen and saw two masked men standing over his mother who was tied to a chair. One of the masked men said, “we know you took our money, we need it back or your mother and you will die”.

Igor replied, “It’s gone, all the money has gone. I’m sorry but I can’t give you it back because I don’t have it.”

“Tell us what you did with the money Igor? We’re not playing around here, give us the bloody money!”

Igor said, “No, I can’t, it’s gone. I did it because I wanted to be the best godfather ever.”

With that, a masked man took June into the downstairs bathroom and fired a shot from his handgun, he then walked towards Igor with the gun pointed at him. Igor had tears running down his face. He knew he was a dead man; there was no escaping his fate. When you rob a drug dealer, there’s always going to be repercussions.

The masked man with a gravelly voice said,

“Was it worth it? Was it worth the end of your life?”

Igor looked over to his mantelpiece where he displayed a handmade thank you card from Carly, it said, “The Greatest Godfather Ever” on the front with a picture of himself and Carly. Igor then responded to the gangster, “I was the best godfather ever. So yes, it was totally worth it. Screw you.”

 

BANG!!!

 

The End.